Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
