I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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