There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
