my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
