Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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