I saw his package. It spoke to me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
