New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
