Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude. I can hear the air.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
