i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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