we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
