Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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