her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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