Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
