Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
