i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
