I cockslap morals
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
