K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
