I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
