He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
