That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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