Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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