For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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