Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
