Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
