She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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