Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
