dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
