4 words: hood of his car
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
