I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
