Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
