brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
