I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
