i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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