I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
