I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
