gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
