for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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