you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
