Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
