She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
