He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
