he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
