i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
