I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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