A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
