hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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