Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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