This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
