At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
