If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
