went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
