so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
