Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
