my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
